I really should update more – I have so much crap to post….

These pics range from Christmas to Germany in Feb to Dublin last weekend. I’ll try to lable them, but there’s alotmany so we’ll see how it goes.

HUGE CUT…many pics below.

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I was stupid on Monday. If you know me and think singling out one day for stupidity is wishful thinking on my part – well this was especially moronic. Before I start let me ask for a visualization on your part – try to imagine holding an empty pop bottle (plastic, 16oz) like a cigarette, between your pointer and middle fingers, the sides level with the ground. Now imagine the same thing with an full pop bottle (plastic, 16oz). One’s easy and one’s a bit more trying. Also – keep in mind that England does not have strip malls, McDonalds, Exxons, Waffle Houses and other havens for weary travelers sprinkled along the roadside. What they have is very spread out.

OK…so Monday I had to wake up early and go get my wife’s parents from Gatwick airport..about a 2 hr drive. I wake up, get some coffee, go to the gas station, fill up, get a coke, some water, a candy bar..and I’m off. A half a bottle of water and a coke later and I have to pee. Not so bad, tho – and by my math I had only about 45 minutes left to go. Then traffic stopped. When it finally got moving again 20 minutes later I was almost in tears.

When you’re in a jam where waiting is between you and salvation, if you’re like me, wishfull thinking comes like a flood during the waiting. If only I had a big coffe cup, or a hose that I could trail from my crotch to the window, or sponge pants or…a small plastic coke bottle.

I should have got a clue that I had gone a bit dumb when I thought that I should finish the small amount of coke left in the bottle before spoiling it with pee. Waste not want not. Ok – traffic was thin, button fly undone, bottle uncapped and ready…now, of course in my minds preperations my weiner was going to be just laying on my thigh after I got it out past my drawers, ready to assist. Nope..it was cold.I had to tug it kicking and screaming into the fray. Also my mind seemed to have imagined a bottle with a much bigger hole in the top. A funnel would have been gold at that moment. So would’ve brains.

Ok – weiner in hand, bottle up, held in place with my pointer and middle finger..like a cig. Another check to make sure traffic is clear – no truckers needed to see this. AAaaaaaaannd….aaaaaaand…pppuuuuushhh. My weiner evidently was thinking far clearer than I was. I couldn’t make myself pee and trying to make myself pee was making me have to pee more. Man – this just wasn’t meant to be. Thank god I was stupid.

Another truck check..another push. Finally it started. AAAhhhhhh. Thank god. AAAhhhhh -ooh shit. Here’s were the visualiztion comes in handy – A bottle with an ever increasing amount of liquid becomes harder to hold horizontal, even harder to hold in a specific place in contact with a specific area, a specific area that is being held in place by my thumb and ring finger. I still had at least 6oz to go and I was losing control.

I still don’t know how I kept from just weeing all over my self and my car, but I maintained control. Of my car, my weiner and my wizbottle.

The perfect American Pie finish would involve me losing control of the car on the way home as I reached desperately towards the back seat, trying to grab the wizbottle before my in-law could drink the lemon-coke. That didn’t happen but whoever emptied that carpark trashcans at Gatwick on Monday…..I’m sorry – I really, really had to pee-pee.

I asked Robert to give me something to draw to snap me out of my slump. “Draw Invincible riding on Robot, who is a futuristic surfboard.” Fair enough.

FAMILY!!!: Photos one entry down.

Well – I had typed a bunch of detail – but the internets blipped on me and I lost it. So, to sum up, here’s some pics from My Mom and Brother’s recent visit. We had Fun.
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I’ll do ya better, but here it is now…

Copy and pasted from an AIM conversation with my mom:

FingerLickingGod: bloooood

MyMom: HUH?

FingerLickingGod: sorry – wrong number

MyMom:
If you weren’t trying to talk to me, who were you talking to. Besides
that, I’m way cooler than you think. My favorite guitarist now is
Dimebag Darryl. I get around you know.

FingerLickingGod: you are bullshitting completely

MyMom: My
career as a schoold bus aide requires relating to very troubled
children in many different ways. I listen to lots of acid rock and
gothic groups. They are comforted when they are able to share with me.

FingerLickingGod: Dimebag is dead

FingerLickingGod: Could be a touchy subject with your new rock legions – stay informed

MyMom: NOOOOOO! Jason(the Alice Cooper wannabe) will be crushed. I’ll have to counsel him on the bus this afternoon.

FingerLickingGod: Seriously – he was shot on stage a few months ago – maybe last year. How’s your life?

MyMom: No
kidding? Really, I dont’ think Jason knows. My life is fine. I’m online
looking at QVC for things to organize with. That’s the fastlane in
Goodview.

FingerLickingGod: Life in the fastlane should be no sweat for such a rock ‘n roll warrior

MyMom:
You know me so well. OK got to get organizing, if all you guys are ok.
Tell everyone I love them. (you too by the way). Peace, bro

FingerLickingGod: That suits you so well – take care

That’s all for now. Pictures and art soon (relatively).

Late entry for the penciljack cowboy jamboree:

I have no idea how I’d cope if I were me living back then. If someone challenged me to guns at noon I’d be two states away by 11:30. Maybe I could be a wanted poster artist. I might be tempted by stories of the gold rush, but I’d probably figure that anybody striking it rich by the time I got out there would be working a lot harder than I would. I’d probably try to work my way up thru the railroad and get a conductor job whilst moonlighting as a racy novel illustrator. I’d have a bitchin’ hat and moustache, tho.

At 1st I was worried because I thought my humor would skew like the rest of the test takers so far but I’m mostly happy with the description – so screw you lame asses.

the Cutting Edge (60% dark, 43% spontaneous, 33% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor’s mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there’s something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren’t in and of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman – John Belushi

Just a few recent pictures. These were taken in the neighborhood playground and while out walking the local footpaths that go out behind our town.
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Long, boring update – short story: I had a good weekend. We hosted a cookout for the Brits. Good times.
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